In a fit of depression over not getting a ticket to the Michael Jackson memorial at Staples Center today, a young hawk flew a kamikaze mission into the front window of a home in the Valley Village area of North Hollywood at approximately 7:15PM. The home owner dried to give aid but the depressed hawk refused her attempts to help, even threatening to "nip her finger off" if she didn't let the hawk die. Emergency services were called and a medical rescue worker was forced to call in a bird psychologist to talk the suicidal bird down before medical attention could be administered. The emergency workers were very concerned and mentioned this was the fifth such issue today.
"We new birds loved music, but had no idea they would react this way to Jackson's passing" said one medic.
"Birds have complex psyches and understand more about our world than most people realize", said the bird psychologist who was called to talk the bird down.
"We have been seeing a trend in bird suicide attempts since the King of Pop passed away. Most end in tragedy. Luckily, this bird has a good chance at recovery with the proper therapy and drug regimine.", said Sneznblo.
Sadly, this may not be the last member of our society drawn into depression so deep it renders them incapable of leading a normal life due to the undue media attention paid to the singer's passing. These are the uncalculable costs of the media circus that has been keeping us informed of ever minor detail possibly related to the unfortunate and untimely death of Michael Jackson.
DMH News service -
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