Monday, April 03, 2006

The painful circle of life.

We found out today that my uncle Jack passed away. My mother was really upset. We knew it was coming, as he had a brain tumor which was not operable.
My sister Judy and I will drive my mother up to say goodbye to her brother one last time.
He was always bright and cheery with us. As a kid, we went to the bay area many times. I only remember his house and family. I can't remember many sites clearly. Only the street, lined with overhanging trees on both sides on slanted hillsides, leading up to his driveway. I remember him doing cannon balls into their pool. His Donald Duck voice was better than the original. Even loosing to him on the billiards table was a memorable experience. Although, I don't think he ever let me actually loose. He taught me bank shots because they were fun.
I never kept in touch with him or any of his family as an adult. And now, I feel contacting them would be like an empty facade. I only really realized what was going on when I started writing this. My mother is sad. Deeply sad, and that is what tears at me. I can't stand to see her sad. She said that Jack wanted to "swim with the dolphins". I told her that if he was Hindu or Buddhist, he might come back as a dolphin (as a joke). She laughed and sighed, "he will swim with the dolphins. I know there is nothing that can stop him now".
It may sound weird. But, what I feel most is the dread of having to go through what my cousins are going through now. I don't want to loose my parents. But I know that some day they will leave this world. I just hope it is without pain and surrounded by love. They deserve this much. I hope the next world is a blessed place where they will be taken care of. I miss them already.. I think I will wrestle with my Dad tonight (he's 86). He laughs when we wrestle. I let him push me around and he yells for mom to look... Mom, look what your son is doing to me...
I love my family.

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